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Question: If you start to build a dam and only get halfway through, how much water will it stop?

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Get ready to welcome yet another new Texan. This move follows a long list of those who have GTT (Gone To Texas, Pilgrim). In recent times we have seen Elon Musk pull up stakes and come here. There have been Apple, Charles Schwab and Hewlett Packard Enterprise. Now we have the National Restau…

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THE FRONT HALL – One, two, four, eight. I am counting my face masks. Why? Because they are taking over my home. On the table by my front door are 11 masks. I put one there to be worn when the Prime delivery person, coughing and sneezing, drops off three Super-Delux 18-Layer PowerMasks. Other…

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MY CHECKBOOK – I am trying to help the economy of Pennsylvania, and you, as a patriotic Texan whose word is your bond, should, too. I am sending a donation to our beloved state lite guv, Dan Patrick, the Official State Demagogue, in yet another case of our leaders making Texas the laughingst…

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THE MOVING VAN – Yet another big truck has come to disgorge furniture into a house in my neighborhood, but one immigrant probably won’t be moving here to Golden Years Glen: Elon Musk, the fourth richest person in the world, currently worth $150 billion, but it’s still early in the week. Musk has been living […]

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Last week we took a look back at 2020 and found nothing to look forward to. Actually, there were so many Bum Steers (to steal a title from Texas Monthly before they steal our selections) that we couldn’t list them all. Today we’ll deal mostly with sports, but there are a few goodies we must […]

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“Annus horribilis.” A horrible year. That’s the term Queen Elizabeth II used to describe 1992 — the year that the marriages of her two sons, Charles and Andrew, broke down and Windsor Castle caught fire. And the tea was cool. We had our own annus horribilis and then some. The plague, the lines for food, […]

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Move over, James Buchanan. Make way for Donald Trump. This is because Buchanan, our 15h president, (1857–1861) is generally ranked by presidential scholars (there are a lot of them) as our worst president ever. Where will Donald Trump rank? Let’s see the current rankings which have stayed pretty steady over the years. Abraham Lincoln, Franklin […]

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THE FRONT DOOR – Someone is ringing my doorbell. A man is standing there in a trench coat with the collar turned up, dark glasses (it’s 10 p.m.) and what looks like a clip-on beard. “Apples rot in the Iowa sun.” Huh? “Justin says he’s sorry.” Lordy, it’s Grassy Knoll, the neighborhood conspirator, again. Before […]

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To the Residents of Golden Years Glen: Welcome senior citizens! This is your occasional newsletter keeping you up to speed on what’s going on in our neighborhood. The letter is coming late because our editor, Eddie “Scoop” Mudflap, is still recovering from his annual Labor Day fireworks show, which we all love. Eddie vows in […]

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“I am not a member of any organized political party — I am a Democrat.” Will Rogers’s famous quote should be the slogan of the Texas Dems, for rarely have we seen victory snatched from defeat more clearly than in the Lone Star State’s recent Democratic Party debacle. They had the money, they had Big […]

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THE DEN – Move the hands of the clock one quarter of an hour and the clock chimes a tad. Move it to the half hour and the clock chimes two tads, and so on through a tedious 12 hours on the clock. My problem can be blamed on Benjamin Franklin and World War I. […]

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Did you vote this go-round? We already know the outcome because it was rigged. Donald Trump said so. Remember the Electoral College: 3,877,868 Texans voted for Hillary and not one vote mattered. But there are several interesting down-ballot elections that might have changed the future — ask Henry Shoemaker – so let’s take a fresh […]

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THE FRONT DOOR – Why I am I standing here like an idiot while I could be watching re-runs of “My Mother the Car?” It’s because my icemaker doesn’t work. It bombed and the repairman, or repairwoman, is coming to fix it. Sometime. Have you noticed that when a repair truck comes to your house […]

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THE POST OFFICE – Along with other paranoid/cynics, I am personally delivering my ballot to the post office. But will it be counted? Maybe the deep state takes all the Trump ballots and shreds them. But then we have QAnon, the pro-Trumpsters who may be shredding all the Biden votes. Either way, dropping off my […]

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“In Texas, the week begins on Friday nights.” — CBS newsman Bob Schieffer (TCU). Yes, it usually begins on Fridays, although this fall, thanks to the pandemic, our revered annual ritual of sweating, cheering, fight songs and the heartbreak of the almost, have been moved around so that games have been cancelled, pushed back and […]

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THE CAR TRUNK – Are you ready? I am, all locked and loaded: club, pepper spray, shield, Molotov cocktail, MAGA cap and T-shirt. “Stand up and stand by.” That’s what our leader, President Donald J. Trump, told the Proud Boys, and if you are any kind of true patriot and not one of those Chardonnay-sipping, […]

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MY OFFICE – Among the many family photos I have on my wall — true, some are front and side shots with numbers across their chests — is this one, taken on Sept. 3, 1900. It’s of locomotive number 183, with a coal car and several cars behind. Lined up in front are the train’s […]